Monday, August 28, 2006


I am empty, I am nothing in the nothingness. I am filled with both the confusion and termoil of life at this time. I am struck between life and such but cannot help the way I am. I feel that there is nothing but chaos arround me and that all rules have been broken creating anarchy here in my supposed comfort zone called home. I am no longer the king of my castle, instead it was reliqished to a 14 year old daughter of which does everything to cause termoil in my life. I feel as if my existance is nothing but a bother to those who at one time was close to me but in my steadfast to be defending my domain has did nothing but cause myself grief in such a way that no man deserves. I have done nothing but provide and yet I, am the evil one, I provide what I have been able to but when it comes to shove all else is spent on the one... even the younger two do not siblings are left out. It bothers me so... but yet I am the one to be blamed at every time. I am not the one that has done this, it is she that supossedly does no wrong.

Yes I know I am feeling sorry for myself at this time but seriously Im burned out... as well as stressed out due to the fact of all my work ends up to get the oldest daughter many thangs and the other two kids are always looking at me for it when it is thier mother doing such.. its no wonder that the kids and myself (oldest daughter not included) are depressed.. If I didnt know better I would think it was time to move on.