Needed view points

Last night we went to one of our monthly seminars and heard needed viewpoints that we was needing to hear, for it was the same issues that we are dealing with in a sorts.
Basically both Sandi and I have been struggling with voices in our heads. I didn't know what hers was saying but I do know what mine always says all the time.. "Failure", "idiot", "worthless piece of crap", "you will never amount to anything", "what, you expected anyone to love you?" "Freaking retard", " stupid reject".
These are the things I've been told most my life and have heard it so much that I believed them so when I feel like I have failed, that negative self talk is what I do.. At least I no longer physically take it out on myself like I used to, no do I try to cop out and try to commit suicide... So many times did I try and take my life because in my head no one cared.

Last night we both without knowing almost didn't go, but we were glad we did. Frank and Courtney Cox were speakers. And soo much was said from them that we both could associate with, both their stories of struggle I could associate with and have been almost ready to give up with our business.  I have been hurting and struggling all my life with a lot of baggage that I have, which has cone back to taunt me as of late, and is partially why I have quit writing again too. My head hasn't been on strait and was knocked down, but this time it wasn't just me, I was also dragging down everyone around me. I felt like I was on the Titanic and had no life raft. But after last night, I feel like I can get back up and go another 10 rounds. See I spotted Courtney outside the meeting room as we was waiting for the ticket holders meeting so I asked Sandi if she wanted to go and meet her while there wasn't people crowding her. She spotted us even though she was talking to some one else she looked up and started talking to Sandi, but she locked eyes with me as if she could see deep down inside me and said "Don't give up, we could have and then we wouldn't be able to be here, the business works, don't give up just don't give up.. It takes a while some times and people will say you're crazy but what ever you do, don't give up".. Later on I actually got to go up and talk to Frank Cox, I was nervous and couldn't say anything, i was teary eyed knowing we had some similar experiences and what did i muster up to say.... " Awesome!" as i reached out to shake his had... Boy dis i feel stupid.. That one moment I could have gleaned a personal nugget of information and I dropped the ball... Guess what I had to listen for the 2 hour ride home... Yup the negative self talk of how stupid I was for not saying more.. But i thing that he knew i was choked up, so he didn't say anything either other than the two words "thank you".

Looks like its almost time to clock into my 9-5
Write to you later,
~B