just the way I am feeling today

I awoke today feeling the burden on my heart that I have separated myself from God over the last few weeks, and I have been being drawn to psalms today. Regularly I am reminded by people of my previous life  that was so full of hate and rage and how was I drawn to the powers of the darkness. My fight is daily on the spiritual front to not go back to those ways and is only through Jesus that keeps me from those way. I still try to do it on my own but I know that I am not strong enough at times and I know it is only though Jesus to hold me up and guide me through... 

Psalms 139 NIV

1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

For those with an ear let them hear

Had something that has been sitting hard on my heart for a fee days now.

I don't understand what has happened in your life, I don't know for sure what made you step away from Jesus, he wants a relationship back with you, an example to you.. You still love your child even though they reject you, God is the same way, He is THE FATHER and will never fail you... Even if other churches out there have failed you and man has failed you and religion has failed you... God is still there for you. I pray for you every night for you are my brother in Jesus..

To another, be watchful and decern the things around you brother, you are over your head for you have forgotten to pray about the situation before you jumped into it, but God has given you that way out that you seek if you look for it as he has done so many times in the past.. I pray for you also my dear Brother that you may see the light and come back onto the path....

I have more and will post later...
~B